How to Score a Haunted House (and Other Small Miracles)
I’ve been a very busy boy lately. So busy, in fact, that I’ve completely neglected this space for months. When the music takes over, the posting usually takes a backseat. But I’m back, and I want to show you what’s been cooking in the "laboratory."
I’m currently working on an orchestral comedy album for my royalty-free label, Pryn Music. The vibe? Think TV sitcoms with a dark twist. Imagine a haunted house that isn't necessarily terrifying, just… funny. I’ve titled the project The Polite Poltergeist, and it’s all about capturing that "Ghostly Tango" energy.
Here is how I’m building it, one "cheeky" tap at a time.
Limit Your Palette
I’m a big believer in the importance of constraints. For this track, I’ve limited myself to ten core instruments. We’ve got a Celeste, pizzicato strings, short woodwinds, a solo violin I forgot I owned, a "crap sounding" solo cello, and the Genesis Children’s Choir.
When you limit your tools, you stop worrying about what to use and start focusing on how to use it. I’m not worried about length—I’m looking for a minute or two of pure mood.
Find the "Aha!" in the Math
I have a weird quirk: I don't think in terms of odd tempos like 103 or 121 BPM. For me, it’s always intervals of five. I landed on 105 BPM for this track. It just felt right.
The harmony is equally simple. I’m moving from C minor to a G7 extension. It’s a D diminished vibe that feels like it’s constantly stumbling over its own feet. In comedy, predictability is the enemy. You want the music to feel like someone is dropping random things into the room when you least expect it.
The "Lazy" Choir and the 302 Secret
Every project has a moment where the gear doesn't behave. I love the Genesis Children’s Choir because it gives you that instant Danny Elfman sparkle. But these "lazy boy" choirs have a habit of being slightly late on the draw.
The Fix: Instead of fighting the software, I used a sample delay of 302. Suddenly, the kids were singing on time. Sometimes, you just have to nudge the universe—or the MIDI track—a few milliseconds to the left.
Using a MIDI "Compressor"
My keyboard playing is, to put it politely, "awful." I’m not naturally a keyboard player; I’m a guitarist. The moment I stop overthinking the theory, my hands start "spooning all over the place" and I literally forget what notes I’m playing.
Because my touch is uneven, I get these "jumpy" loud notes that ruin the comedy.
- The Aha! Moment: I added a velocity processor as a MIDI effect.
- The Result: It acts like a compressor for your performance, catching those accidental spikes. It’s a "fiddling" stage of the process, but it’s what makes the track feel professional rather than accidental.
Steal From Your Own Library
I dug up the Embertone Friedlander Solo Violin for this. I bought it years ago for an ad project and completely forgot it was sitting in my library. It’s high quality, sharp, and fits the "cheeky" vibe perfectly. Don’t always look for the next new plugin. Sometimes the best tool is the one you already paid for three years ago.
The "Fartier" the Better
Halfway through, the track felt too sparse. It was changing too much and dropping out in ways that killed the momentum. I had to rearrange the loops to keep the energy up.
I also realized the bassoons weren't hitting the right comedic note. I swapped them out for "fartier" bassoons and turned them down just enough to be a suggestion rather than a statement. Comedy is often found in the textures that sound a little bit ridiculous.
Clean Up the Hall
If you use Spitfire recordings, you know they capture the beautiful, natural ring of the hall. But that beauty comes with low-end mud—a lot of low-frequency information bouncing around that you just don't need.
Thing I Learned: Always high-pass the rumble. I put a filter at 99Hz to clear out the "hall information." It lets the Celeste and those cheeky castanets shine.
The Takeaway
Writing music for The Polite Poltergeist isn't about being a virtuoso. It’s about iteration. It’s about drawing notes with a mouse when your fingers fail you and knowing when to use a volume fade-out to end the joke before it gets old.
Stop worrying about being a master. Just be a "busy boy" who isn't afraid to play with fartier bassoons.
