An Overactive Mind

My mind is often overactive.

Some evenings I sit to relax and hear an audible click as my mind switches on.

Like someone just turned on the production line at a factory.

I can actually hear cogs turning and footsteps as the workers arrive.

Their voices getting louder and louder.

Voices of everyone I’ve ever known.

Including myself.

Several versions of myself and they are by far the loudest, and meanest.

They are All having separate conversations.

All with their own ideas for how the night should unfold.

And it’s loud.

So loud.

So loud I can barely hear the TV.

So what do I do?

I turn the TV up and reach for my phone, desperately seeking distraction.

Mindlessly swiping through other people’s updates in a vain attempt at calming my mind.

But it won’t work.

It never does.

And I know that.

I’ve done it a thousand times and it has never worked.

In fact, it has always left me feeling worse.

For you see, I am here as my own personal teacher.

I know what will help me but I still don’t do it.

I sense the social media adding to the amplitude and unease so I pour some wine.

First, sip.

That helps.

For a moment.

Like someone just turned the volume down for a second only to turn it up louder and louder.

Until it gets too much.

And I give in.

Finally, I hear a little voice say,

“Go to bed”

I Give in to my better judgement and turn my tv off.

Grab some water.

And go to bed.

Sleep will help.

Sleep always helps.

Therein lies the problem.

I didn’t listen to my body, it was tired.

I didn’t listen to my mind, my mind was tired.

I was tired.

Why do I always forget how hard it is to switch off when tired?

Why do I struggle to remember how much sleep helps?

Hopefully, I will now…

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